Five Common Myths about Child Sexual Abuse

Myth #1: Living in a nice neighborhood, where everyone knows each other by name and kids play with other neighborhood children is completely safe and there is nothing to worry about.

Fact: Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere, in any neighborhood, in every religion or church group, covering all racial boundaries or ethnic groups.  It does not matter how much money you have or whether or not you live in a beautiful, well-kept community; your child is still not protected from molestation or abuse.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice national statistics, 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 5 boys will become victims of sexual abuse by the time they reach their 18th birthday. Further statistics show that children in elementary school are the most at risk, and children with disabilities have even higher risk factors. This is why it is so vital for parents to become educated about the prevalence of child sexual abuse in our society today, without becoming completely mistrustful about it.

Myth #2: You have already communicated with your children about not allowing anyone to touch their private parts, and you feel you have done what you can to ensure they know and are protected. You may have even said something like this to your children, “No matter what, if someone touches you in appropriately you can tell me, it’s not ever your fault and I will believe and protect you”.

Fact: Sexual abuse occurs by forcing or manipulating a child in a way that allows the sexual offender to touch the child’s private parts (which may or may not include penetration), or takes inappropriate photos of children that also exposes their private parts, or when an offender exposes themselves to a child, etc. You can tell your children over and over about good touch vs. bad touch and proper names of body parts, but if your child doesn’t know the correct terminology, how are they going to know how to tell you they were sexually abused? Children need to be taught openly and clearly about sexual abuse, and they need to learn and know the words such as sexual abuse, molestation, incest and they need to know the proper names of their private body parts.

Myth #3: Most sexual abuse cases are committed by people who are complete strangers to you or your child.

Fact: There is a database of sexual offenders you can look up to know if they have moved into your area, however, that is not enough. Sexual abuse is not always performed by a stranger, in fact most cases it is performed by someone the child knows and trusts. Did you know that 85-90% of child sexual abuse cases are committed by trusted family members and close friends?  That includes fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, babysitters, daycare workers, boyfriends of single mom’s, fellow church members and clergy, and so on.

Myth #4: Child sexual abuse is always perpetrated by adults.

Fact: Twenty-three percent of reported cases of child sexual abuse are perpetrated by individuals under the age of 18. While some degree of sexual curiosity and exploration is to be expected between children of about the same age, when one child coerces another to engage in adult-like sexual activities, the behavior is unhealthy and abusive. Both the abuser and the victim can benefit from counseling. 

Myth #5: You believe that your child will tell you that he or she had been sexually abused.

Fact: Most sexually abused children do not tell anyone they were abused.  Victims of sexual abuse are often too afraid that the news will hurt their parents, or they are afraid of not being believed, or they were threatened in some way by the offender.
While some schools offer programs that provide useful information and resources, for both children and parents, the responsibility of educating children about sexual abuse belongs to the parents.

If you were sexually abused or know of someone who was, you need to talk about it; the victim needs to get inner healing so that they can have a healthy outlook on life and use what happened to help others. The goal is to open your eyes, educate, and be aware of your surroundings. Know who your children are with at all times; everyone must be held accountable.  Trust your instincts! If you feel uneasy about leaving a child with someone, don’t do it. If you’re concerned about possible sexual abuse, ask questions and never trust 100% but try not to live in a paranoid state of mind.

Molestation and Shame

Definition of Molestation:  The crime of sexual acts with children up to the age of 18, including touching of private parts, exposure of genitalia, taking of pornographic pictures, rape, inducement of sexual acts with the molester or with other children, and variations of these acts by pedophiles. Molestation also applies to incest by a relative with a minor family member, and any unwanted sexual acts with adults short of rape.

What if you are certain there has never been a child molester or a molested child in your family? You are probably wrong. Unfortunately, most of today's children will never tell. They feel ashamed that this has happened to them. They are protecting their abuser because he or she is part of their family. They are protecting other members of their family - saving them from the pain of knowing.

In spite of the millions of victims in our families, many people stick to their mistaken belief that child molestation has nothing to do with them.

I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was a young child; my father was the first who molested me. When I became a mother I did my very best to try and educate my children to protect them from becoming a victim.   Unfortunately all my educating and shielding did not protect all my kids.  Despite knowing the statistics and all the known signs and symptoms of child abuse; understanding the methods child molesters often use on intended victims; teaching and reminding my children about “good touch, bad touch” on a regular basis; having excellent communication with my children; two of my kids became victims.

If you think watching out for “strangers” who might want to hurt your child, is where your focus needs to be when educating your children, then this is a huge mistake. Because of my personal experience, and being the mother of children who were sexually abused, I want to talk to those who are uninformed, misinformed, or completely ignorant about the subject.