Remembering does not equal Reliving

Author and Survivor T.E. Best shares some of her story with us.


Remembering an event in the past that may have been traumatic does not mean that you have to relive the event. In fact we can program ourselves to use those memories as tools for our future success/s. In my late twenties I had gone out to dinner with my husband to a lovely seafood restaurant and afterwards he took me to one of my favorite ice cream Shoppe’s. All was well and a lovely time was had, but it seemed within a matter of just two hours I found myself sprawled half-way across the couch and half-way on the floor; double over in excruciating pain. Over the next few days I wasn't able to hold down anything, no food, not even water. And I found myself vomiting bile. It turned out that I had been walking about with gall stones the size of half dollars trapped within the walls of my gallbladder. After the surgery, my gastroenterologist politely informed me that I had become “morbidly” obese; stating that he had never seen a more traumatic case of gallstones in all of his studies while implying that he was surprised that it had gone unnoticed for so long. While I am certain that he brought plenty of important facts and information to the table, the only words that seem to register as I sat in the hospital bed with a drainage bag attached to the side where my gall bladder once lived; was “morbidly obese”. And suddenly, I began to remember when my addiction to food began.

I remember. As a child I was constantly being told how pretty and even beautiful I was leading up to when the sexual abuse began. And even while it was going on, I remember the stares I would get from men/boys caught by how pretty they thought I was. And then I remembered that I like countless others, I’d made the decision to be “ugly”. I thought that if I were fat, I would be ugly (not true). And so I ate. As I began the recovery process from the gallbladder surgery I decided that I would no longer allow my past to dictate my future and that I would regain control over an area in my life that had spiraled close to 200 pounds out of control. It was then that my journey to weight loss began, but more importantly it was then that I realized the power in remembering.

I have since been able to link practices and decisions to memories from my past. I've also been able to use past memories as tools for a more productive life. Once we begin to identify those things that trigger poor choices even when they are directly linked to a past abuse we are able to regain control in that area. It is then that we learn, grow and help others. Realizing that remembering does not equal reliving a thing has become a source of power for me.


To learn more about T.E. Best, please visit her websites www.authortebest.com

www.amazon.com/author/tebest