Wednesday, December 26, 2012

ANONYMOUS 12/26/12

I was 3 years old when I was molested by my cousin, she was 14. Imagine feeling a sensual feeling at that young of an age, and carrying it until now. By the grace of God I am a virgin still to this day, but not a virgin to the sexual tension that’s been in my body since I was a little girl. At that age, somebody shouldn't feel what I felt for so many years, a young girl should be playing with toys for fun or surrounding herself in things that made her feel good inside. Not me though, that sensual feeling was stuck in my mind all the time. Masturbation usually starts when maturation begins in one’s self, but it started for me the day my innocence was tainted. I remember my teachers at school always catching me, and having to have meetings with my parents about my actions. My parents would catch me and I’d get yelled at, and my pastors would catch me and feel so bad for me. I remember having friends spend the night, and all I could think about was trying not to do it because I didn't want to scare them or get caught. I was constantly guilty, and always feeling like I was going to get in trouble. I remember as I got older I was able to control it; one because of God and two because I had to try hard to not let it have such a hold on me. To this day I struggle with the want to feel that sensation again, but I keep trying harder and harder to not let it have control over me. The molestation didn't affect me to where I was scandalous, or gave myself away to men, but every day is a day for me to get back the innocence that was taken away from me long ago. 

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